Open Letters

Dear Printer,

You really aren't helpful.  I need you to work, and work every time without question.  With you it is hit or miss.  This can't continue.  Straighten up and fly right, or we are done.

Sincerely,
Someone who needs a printer that works

Dear USPS,

I really appreciate what you do.  That whole "neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night," thing is really great.  I have just one issue.  Why, oh why do you keep raising stamp prices?  It really is a pain.  I know I can buy one cent stamps and all, but really, every year folks?  Let's work on that this year, ummk?  We really don't want anyone going postal now do we?

Thanks,
A disgruntled USPS user

You didn't think I would show you what it was, did you?

Dear Christmas Cards,

How about trying something new this year...you write and address and stamp and mail yourselves?  I think this sounds like a grand plan!  Have at it friends, all 450 of you!

Sincerely,
Cramped hand





**Update to the hunt for cheap photo prints.  Winkflash has a deal, 100 prints for four cents each.  Use the code 4CENTS.  I was able to order all of our prints in batches that way.

Open Letter

Dear Mice,

Not sure how you missed this, but we don't want you around. We didn't invite you, don't even try and tell me we did. And this whole being in my bedroom thing, that's just creeping me out. Look, I don't come to your nest, mess things up, scare you, and eat your food. Please don't do it at my house.

Oh, and if you are going to be so stupid as to get caught in a trap, please don't do it in the middle of the night and then proceed to bang around and squeak incessantly, waking me up. Not appreciated.

You are vile and need to go back from whence you came.

Sincerely,

The Human

Dear Fountain Pen

You are amazing. Your red exterior is just the right color. Your nib, such a fine, slender point. How I long to write with you. To sign letters with a flourish, to write out detailed lists in style. What a great gift you are!

However, I am having a problem with your lack of interest in ink. Listen, in order to do all those wonderful things, things that fountain pens are made to do, you need to drink some ink. I have tried everything I know, and yet you refuse. You can't grow up to be a big, strong, experienced fountain pen unless you drink the stuff. Oh I understand. You don't think it tastes very good. Yeah, it's an acquired thing. But you can't acquire a taste for something unless you keep tasting it.

This is getting old, and I am getting frustrated. If you don't drink your ink, I will be forced to put you in time out, and use one of the other not so romantic or exciting pens I have sitting around.

Sincerely,

A Pen Lover

Open Letters

Dear Mr. Canning Ring,

You need to tell me to where your buddies have disappeared. I know where you all lived in Holland. Neatly on your string, next to the mop and broom on the basement stairs wall.
But you forgot to send me your change of address card when we moved. There is only so many places a girl can look.

If you don't tell me soon, I will be forced to replace all of your buddies. There are berries to be picked, applesauce to be made, and peaches to can.


Sincerely,
The Food Processor





Dear Canning Jars,

Thank you for being easier to find than Mr. Canning Ring's brothers. However, you should really stick together and live all in the same neighborhood, preferably close to where you are needed. It was quite inconvenient to drag some of you in from the garage, some from the basement and some from the cupboard. Let's do better next time, mmk?

Sincerely,
The Food Processor







Dear Miss Canning Book,

Thank you for being available. I am glad that you were able to make it in time. You have been the standard, don't fail me now!

Sincerely,
The Food Processor