I Bought a Planner

This is not a weird thing, really.  I always use a calendar.  When I was teaching I had three.  One at school, a carry around planner, and one at home on the fridge. 

But this year, this planner is causing me problems.  I started to fill in some important dates, and I couldn't get any farther than March.  Because, and this isn't' anything new either, we don't know what March will bring.  Really, last year I didn't know what March would bring, or the year before that, or the year before that.  But somehow I had the allusion that I knew what would happen in March.  Or June.  Or November.

This year, we could be packing up a house in March.  And moving somewhere for a while, and then on to Costa Rica.  Or we could be here still.  Really don't know.  And that is bothersome to me.   In fact, if I am going to be completely honest, it brought me to tears this afternoon.  And as I sat there staring at the empty boxes of March, God spoke to me in a quiet way.

Honey, you never know what even the next hour will hold.  You plan, but I direct.  I've got this.  Trust me.

Oh my.  But my faith just seems so small.  I know God can do anything, and He loves us more than we know and has the exact thing we need, whether it seems good to us or not.  But my faith just seems so small!

I often turn to music to settle me, to help me think correctly.  This time the song that came to mind was Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins.  Listen to it.  But if you're not into that, just read the words.

Sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than  take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace  

 

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

So much of what I want to say to God is in this song.  And forces to remember that He is the King of Glory, He is the Prince of Peace, His grace can handle so much more than I can throw at it.  And that I need to be falling on my knees. 

And that's why it's now printed out and glued to the front of that blasted planner.  Because everyday I need to be praying 

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace