Monday, March 9, 2009

Woodland Creatures

Ok...before you get warm, soft, cuddly thoughts of Bambi and his friends in your head, this is not a post about how great my furry neighbors are. In fact, this more or less a case against having furry neighbors.

So, to begin, I will present exhibit A.

On February 20th, I caught a squirrel using it's claws to hang sideways on my screen. A while later Noah took this video. I was dumbfounded...first, why would a squirrel want to be in my front porch? Second, how did it get there?

Then, I discovered this! I was so mad! (Exhibit B)

That stupid fur ball ate it's way into my house (ok, not truly my house proper, but pretty stinking close!) and in the process recked my screen!

Alright, well, once is one thing. I will deal with the screen when it gets warmer.

We hadn't seen any more of that stupid squirrel, so I didn't think too much of putting bread out on top of the freezer the other day. We went to Holland for the weekend, and when we came home last night I discovered this! (Exhibit C)

That mangy animal thought it needed a second entrance, one twice as big as the first! AHHHHH! And not only did it eat another hole in my screen, it ate the companion loaf to this beauty!

Today I found that stupid beast of a thing SITTING on my chair out on the porch and he had his grey squirrel buddy friend with him! The nerve! Using my front porch as a place to chat. I pray they didn't leave behind any fleas!

So, now I am stuck with holes in two different screens, am out a loaf of bread, and am scared that when I go out onto MY front porch I am going to get my face gnawed off by a indigent squirrel who thinks I am interrupting his tea time! Argggg!

Noah, being the ever faithful, protective husband, found the airsoft gun and put it right by the door for my protection. So, all squirrels, be forewarned...I will pelt you!


  1. Now Liz, I think I speak for all decent, forest-varmint-loving people when I say:

    HILARIOUS!! Way to go with the pelt gun!!!

    At my college there were black and grey squirrels, too. We were convinced that while the grey ones were normal, fluffy, bushy-tailed, pleasant little tree-residents, the black ones were altogether malevolent. And suicidal. This was proven to me firsthand when a black squirrel RAN INTO my bike wheel. I don't mean I ran it over. I mean it ran into the side of my front tire and catapulted me off my bike. Now this was seriously embarrassing because for all spectators it looked as though I had spontaneously jumped off my bike and fell on my head -- the little bugger had run off just as quickly as it had sprung to the attack. Plus, it made me late to class. Try using "suicidal squirrel" as a tardiness excuse... doesn't work very well.

  2. Oops! I also meant to mention that your bread looks AMAZING! It is just so wrong that he ate the other loaf. So wrong.

  3. I know the squillers are a problem, but I was just laughing so hard that my husband came downstairs to see what was going on!
    get those pesty squirrels!

  4. i shouldn't laugh, but it is a little funny... :)

  5. Yes, while I am waging war against these things, the whole thing is pretty funny! And Erin, that is one of the funniest stories I have heard in a long time! Stupid Squirrels!

  6. I LOVE shooting squirrels!! Hope you're able to avenge your bread and screens!!

  7. ok I just saw my spelling. I need to put Evan down before I type.

  8. OK, that was hilarious.
    And really, I would break into your house for a loaf of that bread, too.

  9. Do you all have a cat? Our cats are fascinated by squirrels, and would probably rid our yard of them if we let them go outside.


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